


remind me

by TtotheYong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs in a Car, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Making Up, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Doubt, Semi-Public Sex, Switch Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Switch Lee Taeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:21:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28760961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TtotheYong/pseuds/TtotheYong
Summary: "Can you remind me sometimes, that I can have this?"
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 35
Kudos: 199





	1. winter

“Hey.” 

Jaehyun’s fingers tighten on the doorknob. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t invite Taeyong in. 

“Jaehyunnie, it’s me, don’t be like that.” 

“You’re drunk.” Jaehyun wonders if the doorknob will shatter if he grips it hard enough. 

Taeyong giggles, glances down the bright hallway outside Jaehyun’s apartment. “Yup.” 

Jaehyun thinks it’s unfair that Taeyong still looks so beautiful even under the unforgiving fluorescent lights of the hallway, with eyeliner sweat-smudged under his eyes and dark sleep-deprived circles visible beneath that, and a stain on his shirt that’s either red wine or blood. Jaehyun doesn’t know which is more likely, these days. 

“Why are you here?” Jaehyun manages. 

Taeyong blinks and looks back at him. He smells like alcohol, but his eyes are surprisingly clear. “Do I need to have a reason? I never used to need a reason.” 

Jaehyun’s fingers are cramping around the doorknob. “We broke up. So yes, now you should have a reason.” 

He’s suddenly tired, not only because it’s some silent pre-dawn hour when he should be sleeping. They’ve had this conversation before, too many times in the months—almost a year now, he realizes with vague surprise—since Taeyong left. It goes like this every time Taeyong shows up at his door in the middle of the night, sometimes sober, usually not. The first time he appeared like this they hadn’t seen each other at all for months, and when Taeyong kissed him and then dropped to his knees and sucked him off right there in the doorway Jaehyun had truly thought it was an apology, an _I love you, take me back._ The second time Taeyong showed up at his door, Jaehyun wasn’t so naive. But he still let him in, as he did every time after that. He’d open the door, and take him to bed, and fuck him however he wanted it, and once when Taeyong showed up with that specific determined glint in his eyes that always made Jaehyun’s stomach flip he let Taeyong fuck him instead. 

“Why do you keep coming here?” Jaehyun finally asks again. 

Taeyong giggles again, and shrugs. “I guess the walk here is embedded in my muscle memory. I just keep ending up here, don’t I?” 

“I’m serious,” Jaehyun bites out. He feels something quiver in his chest and realizes it’s fear. He’s afraid he’ll let Taeyong in again. He’s afraid he won’t and Taeyong will leave. 

Taeyong looks at him and suddenly seems serious too. “You know why,” he says. His voice is quiet. 

Jaehyun glares at him. He does know why, the same way Taeyong knows Jaehyun will always let him in. He steps back, and Taeyong walks past him into the living room, toeing off his shoes as he goes. When Jaehyun closes the door, it plunges them both into darkness. His heart is pounding, like it always does when Taeyong’s around. A memory comes to him, unbidden, of sitting in a lecture hall, and looking up as a boy he’d never seen before edged past his knees to the empty seat beside him, ducking his head and smiling apologetically. The boy was late to class, and when the professor gave a snide, _Thank you for joining us_ , his cheeks had flushed bright pink to match his hair and Jaehyun’s heart had started pounding so hard he’d pressed his hand to his chest in surprise. It’s been more than ten years now, since that day. But Jaehyun’s heart is pounding again, just as hard. It doesn’t catch him by surprise anymore. 

Taeyong stands some distance away, and Jaehyun watches his slim silhouette in the dark. This, at least, isn’t how these nights usually go. Usually, Taeyong is on him as soon as he gets through the door, pulling at his clothes, sliding his shockingly cold hands down Jaehyun’s pants and giggling when it makes his breath catch. Even in the summer Taeyong’s hands were always so cold. Jaehyun used to hold them against his neck to warm them up, even though the chill of them made goosebumps break out across his shoulders every time. 

Jaehyun doesn’t want to be the one to speak first, and he’s always been the more patient one, but tonight Taeyong seems determined to wait him out. They stand there in silent darkness for what feels like an eternity. But Taeyong gives up first, as he always does. “I miss you.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything. Taeyong was here only four days ago, and again a week before that. It isn’t lost on Jaehyun that he’s been showing up more and more frequently this winter. But he’s not going to imagine that means anything. “Well, here I am. As always.” Jaehyun knows he sounds bitter, but at least it’s dark enough that Taeyong can’t see his face. 

“Yeah,” Taeyong says, so quietly it sounds more like he’s talking to himself. “Here you are.” Silence falls again. The refrigerator gives a thunk and starts humming in the kitchen. The refrigerator door still has a shopping list stuck to it, in Taeyong’s handwriting, with little doodles of every food that’s written down. 

The floor creaks as Taeyong walks towards him. He slips his cold hand into Jaehyun’s, and pulls him towards the bedroom. He doesn’t have to pull hard; Jaehyun follows him silently. The hallway is even darker than the living room, but Taeyong doesn’t slow down or hesitate, and Jaehyun tries not to think about how well he knows this apartment. He leads them into the bedroom, and when he lets go of Jaehyun’s hand to take off his coat, Jaehyun reaches back and starts pulling off his own shirt. They’ve gotten efficient at this, at least. But once Taeyong’s shed his stained shirt and peeled off his jeans he just climbs into the bed, and curls up on his side under the covers. 

Jaehyun hesitates, holding his shirt in his hands. He can see Taeyong’s eyes gleaming in the dark, and when Taeyong speaks his voice is muffled by the blankets. “I just want to sleep.” 

“Are you sick?” 

“What? No.” Taeyong lowers the blanket from his face. “Can’t I just want to sleep?” 

Jaehyun tilts his head to the side, considering. The fear still flutters through his chest. He’s scared to ask Taeyong what’s going on, why he’s being like this, what he really wants. He thinks Taeyong probably doesn’t know the answers to those questions anyway. Jaehyun drops his shirt on the floor and shuffles closer to the bed. Taeyong lifts up the covers for him, and when Jaehyun lies down he lowers his arm around him along with the blankets. Jaehyun blinks, and stares at Taeyong, and listens to his heart pounding, and tries not to flinch away from the cold fingers on his back. 

Taeyong moves closer, and when the back of Jaehyun’s hand presses against his chest he can feel Taeyong’s heartbeat too. He’s still afraid. But he has to ask. “Taeyong, what’s going on?” His voice is quiet and he knows it’s because he’s only half-sure he wants Taeyong to hear him. “Are you okay?” He hates himself for still worrying about him even after everything. “Did something happen?” 

Taeyong’s heart beats against the back of Jaehyun’s hand, and Jaehyun’s heart beats against Taeyong’s palm. It’s quiet for so long that Jaehyun’s eyes start to feel heavy and flutter closed, but Taeyong’s voice snaps him awake again when it finally comes. “Something happened,” he whispers. “I messed up.” 

Jaehyun is afraid. A million scenarios flicker through his head. “How?” 

“I let you go.” Taeyong’s eyes close tightly. His voice is so hushed it can barely be heard even in the silent room. 

Taeyong’s fingers are warmer now, against Jaehyun’s spine. His eyes stay closed, and as the moments pass Jaehyun thinks he must be asleep. Maybe this is all he’ll get, another sliver of Taeyong to wedge into his heart that still falls short of the whole. 

“So take me back,” Jaehyun says quietly. He decides that if Taeyong is asleep and doesn’t hear him, then he’ll take that as a sign, finally, that this needs to end. But Taeyong’s eyes open right away. Jaehyun can’t read their expression. 

“Why do you still love me?” Taeyong asks. “I’ve been… horrible to you.” 

“You haven’t—“

“Yes, I have. I know I have, Jaehyun. I know you’ve thought so too. I know I’m the one who’s wrong. I don’t even know how to explain myself. I don’t know why I ended things, except I think I’d do it all again, if we went back in time, even though I was happy. How fucked up is that? And I couldn’t even accept the consequences of leaving you. I kept showing up, and taking from you, the way I always have. I should have let you move on, I know that. I don’t deserve anything more from you. But I can’t stay away.” Taeyong takes a breath, but keeps speaking before Jaehyun can. “You know what the worst part is?” Taeyong is quiet, like he’s really waiting for an answer. Jaehyun finally shakes his head. His eyes are wide. He’s not sure he’s blinked once since Taeyong started talking. He’s not sure Taeyong has said this many words to him at once in the entire almost-year since they broke up. “The worst part is, I knew I could break your heart, and then show up in front of you again, and have you back.” 

It takes Jaehyun a moment to realize that Taeyong’s eyes are shinier in the dim light than they were before, and then he sees the glimmer of tears sliding sideways over his nose. He wants to wipe them away, but he holds back. “You’re right,” Jaehyun says quietly. “You have been horrible.” 

Taeyong squeezes his eyes shut and more tears slide across his face. His breathing is fast, the way it always gets when he cries: frantic and scared. 

“But,” Jaehyun continues. He doesn’t feel afraid anymore. This is it, he supposes, one way or another. “I do still love you.” He takes a breath. “I know you never believed that I could know you were enough for me. I know you thought I was just being naive, even after we’d been together for years, because I’ve never been with anyone else but you, and you listened to all those doubts in your head instead of listening to me. But I was always sure. I’m still sure, that you’re enough. You’re the only one who wasn’t sure.” Taeyong’s eyes are open again. His breathing hasn’t slowed, and his face is very wet. 

“That’s not true, I was sure about you—“ Taeyong starts. 

“You weren’t sure about yourself,” Jaehyun says. He wonders if someday he’ll look back at this moment and hate himself for how gently he’s speaking. If he’ll regret not making it harder for Taeyong to come back to him. But right now all he feels is relief, and he thinks that even if Taeyong leaves again tomorrow, at least he’ll have gotten these hushed and gentle moments with him in the dark. At least he’ll have felt Taeyong’s fingers warm up against his skin one last time. 

Jaehyun reaches out and rubs the back of his finger over Taeyong’s tear-streaked cheek. “If you want me, just ask. You know I’ll say yes. But if you’re not going to ask me tonight, for everything, for all of me, then you need to stop coming here. Please.” 

Taeyong moves closer and presses his forehead against Jaehyun’s chest. “Yes.” He says. His lips brush over Jaehyun’s skin as he speaks. “I’m asking you, for all of you.” The room is quiet. Jaehyun breathes in the familiar smell of Taeyong’s shampoo. “I know I’ve already had more than I deserve of you, but I’m asking again. Jaehyun. Jaehyun….” His words drop to a mumble and he presses his lips more purposefully against Jaehyun’s sternum. “I’m sorry.” Another press of his lips. Jaehyun can feel the wetness of his mouth, and the cooler wetness of his tears. “I love you.” 

Jaehyun sighs. “I know.” He extracts his arm from between their chests and wraps it around Taeyong’s back, pressing them closer together. Taeyong makes a small sound against his chest. “I know, Taeyong. Don’t cry. I told you I’d say yes, didn’t I? But don’t forget again, how much you love me, and how much I love you, and that we both deserve to be happy. You don’t get to do this again, ever.” 

“I know, I won’t.” Taeyong’s voice is muffled. “I won’t hurt you again, I promise.” 

Jaehyun clicks his tongue. “Taeyong, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t mean you have to be perfect. I mean you can’t do _this_. If you leave me again, it can only be because you stop loving me, and don’t want to be with me, and that will be the end. Whatever this was, though, this can’t happen again. Don’t do this again.” 

“Okay,” Taeyong whispers. “I won’t.” His arm has gotten so tight around Jaehyun’s waist that it’s almost painful, but Jaehyun doesn’t make him loosen his grip. After a moment, Taeyong speaks again. “But… can you remind me sometimes, that I can have this?” 

“What?” Jaehyun tries to look down at Taeyong but his face is still pressed fully against his chest. 

“Just remind me.” 

Jaehyun doesn’t quite know what Taeyong means, but he kisses the top of his head and says, “Okay, I’ll remind you.” 

It takes a long time, but as the sky starts lightening beyond the window Taeyong’s arm relaxes against Jaehyun’s back, and they both finally sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you as always for reading! kudos and comments appreciated if you care to leave them <33
> 
> enjoy the happier next chapter :D
> 
> twt: [@TtotheYong](https://twitter.com/TtotheYong)


	2. spring

“You know what this reminds me of?” 

Jaehyun glances over, and finds himself smiling. The sun slants through the windshield, and a spring breeze that’s still chilly in the early morning streams through the open car window and ruffles Taeyong’s hair. He’s drumming his fingers on the steering wheel even though there’s no music playing. There are still times, after all these years, when Jaehyun looks at Taeyong and can’t look away. 

“What?” Jaehyun asks. 

“That first trip we took together, for spring break. Your sophomore year, right?” 

“You mean the trip when you deflowered me?” 

Taeyong turns to him with his mouth open, blushing already. “No! I mean, well, yes, that trip, but that’s not what I was talking about!” 

Jaehyun laughs. “Keep your eyes on the road, Yong. I can’t believe you still get so flustered whenever this comes up.” 

Taeyong scowls at the road ahead of them again. His cheeks are still very pink. “I don’t get flustered,” he mutters. 

“Uh huh. Well, what were you talking about then, if not that?” 

Taeyong face softens and he smiles again. “Just, everything about that trip. We’d been dating for a while but that was the first time we got to spend so much time together, just us, with none of our friends, no roommates or classes or homework. It was like… being a real couple, being grown up.” 

Jaehyun leans his head against the back of his seat, still angled towards Taeyong so he can watch him. “Yeah. Well, now that we’re actually grown up this trip will be an upgrade from that tiny closet of a hotel room we stayed in back then, won’t it?” 

Taeyong is still smiling out through the windshield. “That trip was the first time I told you I love you.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you wanted to deflower me.” 

Taeyong keeps his eyes on the road this time but smacks his hand out into Jaehyun’s shoulder surprisingly hard. “You’re really ruining a nice moment here, Jae. And for the record, I said it on the last day of the trip, after you’d already been very thoroughly deflowered, so your logic is flawed.” 

Jaehyun rubs his shoulder and laughs. “You remember the exact day you said it?” 

Taeyong glances at Jaehyun quickly. “You don’t?”

Jaehyun’s laugh dies down to a chuckle. “I do, of course I remember. I was so relieved you said it, because then I could say it too and know you wouldn’t laugh at me, or give me that look you give when someone compliments you and you don’t believe them.” 

Taeyong looks over at Jaehyun again, then back at the road. The trees have multiplied alongside the highway as the city falls away behind them, and their shadows flicker quickly over the car. The leaves are back on the branches; Jaehyun could swear only a few weeks ago they were totally bare. 

“That does sound like me,” Taeyong finally says, sounding more serious. They lapse into silence for a while, and then Taeyong speaks again. “I do also think about, uh, deflowering you, as you so eloquently put it.” 

Jaehyun laughs again. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Taeyong’s expression is still thoughtful. “I know it’s cliche, and obviously if you hadn’t been a virgin that wouldn’t have changed anything for me. But… I like being the only one you’ve ever been with. Maybe I shouldn’t admit how much I like it.” 

“Well, I like that you’re the only one I’ve ever been with, too, so.” Jaehyun watches Taeyong check the side mirror and carefully change lanes. 

“But don’t you ever wonder?” Taeyong asks when he’s done. 

“Wonder what?” 

“About other people?” 

“Do you?” 

“No. But I know what other people are like, and you don’t. Don’t you ever worry, that maybe you missed out on something better?” 

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything right away. He watches Taeyong, and admires how his profile glows a little from the way the sun slants into the car. His dark hair is a mess but Jaehyun knows he won’t close the window. He’s always had a thing about spring. “Smells like spring,” he’d said earlier that morning, as Jaehyun threw their bags into the back of the car. 

“Taeyong?” 

“Hm?” 

“Remember you can have this.” 

“What?” 

“You asked me to remind you, sometimes, that you can have this. I’m not sure I understood exactly what you meant, but I think maybe you meant times like this. So I’m reminding you. You’re allowed to have this. You’re allowed to be the best person for me. There isn’t something better that I missed, because you’re my best. Okay?” 

Taeyong is quiet for a long time. Then he nods, once, his jaw tight. “Thank you,” he says quietly. He clears his throat, and turns on the radio. 

They reach the hotel at sundown, and Taeyong presses Jaehyun against the door as soon as they’re inside. His fingers are cold as they slide under Jaehyun’s shirt, and goosebumps break out everywhere in their wake. Jaehyun shudders and gasps when Taeyong’s fingertips trace over his nipple and then pinch it hard. He grabs Taeyong’s neck and kisses him hungrily, but Taeyong only allows it for a moment before he pushes him back against the door, hard enough to make his breath stutter in his chest from the impact. 

Taeyong turns and walks around the room, considering the space, and after a moment Jaehyun follows. His heart is pounding and he’s still barely able to catch his breath. He loves when Taeyong is like this, and the fact that he rarely is just gets Jaehyun more excited when it does happen. He knows he could ask Taeyong to take control like this more often—he could ask Taeyong for anything—but the unpredictability of it is what turns him on the most. 

Taeyong stops moving at the sliding glass doors to the balcony. “Turn off the lights,” he says quietly. 

Jaehyun does quickly, and then he waits again. 

“Take off your clothes and go out there.” Taeyong nods at the glass doors in front of him. His back is still to Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun’s heart skips a beat and then he’s pulling off his shirt, fumbling with his belt and his jeans. Taeyong doesn’t help him open the doors, and doesn’t move aside as Jaehyun edges past him out onto the dark balcony. The ocean stretches out far below, vast and dark and loud with the steady rush of waves. The beach is colorfully lit, and music reaches them from the restaurants that line it. It’s still too early in the year for beach season, and some of the restaurants are dark; they won’t open for another month at least. But Taeyong has always liked going to the beach in the spring, so here they are.

The breeze is mild on Jaehyun’s skin, but he shivers, and glances around in spite of himself. Other balconies stretch along the building on either side. He can see light spilling out of a few of the rooms but he doesn’t think anyone else is outside. Jaehyun grips the cold railing in front of him, and shivers again, and wonders if Taeyong has moved at all behind him, or if he’s still just standing there, watching him. 

He jumps when Taeyong’s hand touches his back. “God,” he hisses. “Your hands are so fucking cold.” 

Taeyong doesn’t say anything right away, just slides his fingers slowly up Jaehyun’s spine, then over his shoulder. Jaehyun tries to stay still but the touch and the cold make him shudder. His cock swells between his legs as he tries to keep his breathing steady. 

Taeyong’s fingers slide up Jaehyun’s neck, over his jaw, to his lips. “Warm them up,” he murmurs. Jaehyun opens his mouth, lets Taeyong push four fingers inside at once. He can feel how cold they are even against his tongue. He sucks on them, swirls his tongue over them, feels them slowly warm to match the temperature of his mouth. “That’s better, isn’t it.” Taeyong says. Jaehyun nods. Taeyong presses his fingers deeper. His other hand slides over the small of Jaehyun’s back, so suddenly he jolts from the chill and gags on Taeyong’s fingers.

Taeyong pulls his fingers out of Jaehyun’s mouth. “Bend over,” he says. His voice is quiet, gentle, but there’s an undercurrent to it that gives away his excitement, a deep edge of arousal that makes Jaehyun ache. 

Jaehyun leans forward, looking over his shoulder. Taeyong looks back, and trails his cool hand lower. Jaehyun shivers again, not from the cold this time, as Taeyong glides his fingers over his ass, down the backs of his thighs, trailing them lazily over his skin. His other hand hovers near Jaehyun’s hip. He can see the wetness of his own spit over his fingers, and knows they must be getting cold again in the air, but he doesn’t ask Taeyong to hurry up. He takes a step backwards, bending over further until his chest is braced against the railing. Taeyong watches him thoughtfully for another moment, before finally sliding his wet fingers over Jaehyun’s entrance. Jaehyun lets out a slow breath and turns away, staring out at the dark water below. He thinks he can feel his heartbeat reverberating through the railing into his hands, where he grips the metal bar tightly. 

Taeyong pushes one finger inside, moving it slowly in and out as Jaehyun tries to relax around the intrusion. “Are you cold?” Taeyong asks. 

“N-no,” Jaehyun manages. 

“You’re shaking.”

Jaehyun looks at him again. “It’s been a while since we did this,” he whispers. “Since you did this to me.” 

Taeyong hums thoughtfully and slides another finger in alongside the first. Jaehyun grunts and grips the railing tighter. “Do you want me to stop?” 

“No,” Jaehyun’s voice is strained. “No, I… I love this. Taeyong….” 

Taeyong’s lips curl into a smile. “Good.” He pushes his fingers into Jaehyun fully and then he doesn’t stop, pumping in and out quickly, until finally Jaehyun’s muscles relax. He opens him up and stretches his fingers inside of him until he presses into him in just the right way and Jaehyun’s knees buckle. Taeyong doesn’t slow down. Instead he tightens his other hand on Jaehyun’s hip and adds a third finger. Jaehyun stifles a moan against his arm. 

“Don’t do that,” says Taeyong. “I want to hear you.” 

“But—“ Jaehyun looks back again.

Taeyong curls his fingers against Jaehyun’s prostate and he gasps, dropping his head forward and shuddering when Taeyong keeps pressing into him, sliding his fingers over the bundle of nerves again and again, incessantly. Jaehyun bites his lips and squeezes his eyes shut as the pleasure builds, flooding up into his stomach and down through his trembling legs. His cock is hard and leaking between his legs, despite the cold air, despite still not being touched. “But?” Taeyong says, startlingly close to Jaehyun’s ear. 

Jaehyun can’t speak. He thinks if he stops biting his lips closed he might scream instead. Taeyong’s fingers are more insistent inside him now, driving into him, pressing into his prostate every time. Jaehyun finally can’t take it and squirms away but Taeyong yanks his hips back. He almost gives up and cries out. When he opens his eyes the colorful lights from the restaurants below refract in the tears that cloud his vision. He’s so turned on it’s making him dizzy.

“What were you going to say, hmm?” Taeyong says. His voice is still close, but he keeps his body from touching Jaehyun’s back. 

“Mm-mm.” Jaehyun shakes his head, presses his face into his forearm. He realizes he’s already about to come and it takes him by surprise. He almost never comes untouched like this and he’s not used to the feeling. He digs his teeth into the muscle of his arm—

Taeyong clicks his tongue. “Fine.” His fingers are suddenly gone. Jaehyun gasps and almost drops to his knees, suddenly empty and cold. When he wipes his eyes and looks around, the balcony is empty behind him. 

“Taeyong?” The lights in their room are still off, and he can’t see anything through the doors. His legs shake as he starts to straighten up. 

“Don’t move.” Taeyong’s voice comes from somewhere in the dark room. 

Jaehyun takes a breath, and another one, and tries to calm his heart down as he turns back to lean against the railing. His fingers ache from clutching it so tightly. 

It feels like a long time before Taeyong’s footsteps sound on the balcony again. Jaehyun’s managed to catch his breath, but his heart is still pounding and his skin hasn’t cooled. He jumps again and whimpers when Taeyong’s icy fingers slide up his back. “Good boy,” Taeyong hums. “So patient.” He kisses Jaehyun’s shoulder blade. 

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun breathes, as quietly as he can. 

“Yes, baby?” 

“Please….” 

Taeyong laughs softly and grips Jaehyun’s hips, pulling him farther back. Jaehyun looks back over his shoulder again, and makes a small sound of surprise and want. Taeyong’s naked, his skin pale in the dim glow that reaches them from the lights below. His nipples are hard in the cold and his hair stirs over his forehead in the light breeze. 

“Please,” Jaehyun whispers again, as he feels the tip of Taeyong’s cock slide over his entrance. Taeyong looks up at him and meets his eyes as he pushes inside. Jaehyun turns away and bites into his arm again as Taeyong starts to move without giving him time to adjust. Every time he breathes in it feels like the air gets caught in his throat and forced out again before it reaches his lungs. The pleasure that had started to die down while he waited alone on the balcony builds again quickly, overwhelmingly. 

“Why are you so stubborn?” Taeyong asks. His voice is low, and he sounds a little breathless himself as he snaps his hips forward harder. 

“What?” gasps Jaehyun. He doesn’t sound nearly as controlled as Taeyong. 

“I said I wanted to hear you, and you haven’t made any real noise since.” 

Taeyong curls one hand over Jaehyun’s shoulder, pulling him back as he fucks into him harder. “People could… hear….” Jaehyun manages, even though this is quickly becoming a moot point as Taeyong thrusts into him and the sound of skin on skin gets louder. 

“So let them hear,” Taeyong says. He pulls Jaehyun’s shoulder harder, until it lifts his chest up from the railing and he straightens his arms to hold himself upright. He feels horribly exposed like this. Now that he’s not bent double he can’t see the beach down below, and there’s just empty air and endless ocean stretching into the darkness ahead of him. The new angle this puts him at is incredible though, which Taeyong certainly knows, as he leans forward and starts mouthing at the back of Jaehyun’s neck. “Let them know how much you like getting fucked.” 

Jaehyun almost sobs. He squeezes his eyes shut because all the open space in front of him is too much to bear and chokes out, “Taeyong, please….” 

“You like it right?” Taeyong’s voice is heated and low. “You like it when I fuck you like this, don’t you baby?” 

“Yes, yes, I like it, fuck. I wanna come, please.“ 

Taeyong leans back and grabs Jaehyun’s arm, pulling it behind him, making his back arch even more. Jaehyun tries to steady himself better with the one hand he has remaining on the railing in front of him. He wants to touch himself but thinks he’ll lose his balance if he lets go of the rail, and he can’t move his other arm. Taeyong’s always been surprisingly strong. 

“So come,” Taeyong says. His voice sounds more strained now. Jaehyun whimpers. His legs ache and he keeps almost stumbling forward every time Taeyong drives into him. All at once Taeyong’s hand is on his cock, his thumb pressing into the tip and squeezing uncomfortably hard as he continues fucking him. The mix of pleasure and discomfort makes his head swim. When Taeyong speaks again his voice is right in Jaehyun’s ear, his breath hot: “Scream my fucking name, and you can come.”

“Wait—“ Jaehyun tries to breathe, tries to squirm in Taeyong’s grip, tries to bite his lips against the small sounds climbing up the back of his throat, tries not to cry from all the conflicting sensations: the cool air and his burning skin, the deep pleasure inside him and the tight grip of Taeyong’s hand preventing his release, the feeling of being totally exposed and the sensation that he and Taeyong are the only two people who exist in the entire world. 

Taeyong pulls Jaehyun’s arm back harder, pushing into him so deeply Jaehyun feels it in his stomach. “Say it,” he bites out. His hand tightens around his cock.

“ _Taeyong_ ,” Jaehyun cries out, mortified at the way his voice cuts through the still night air, but he can’t stop himself. He doesn’t really want to stop himself. He knew he’d get to this point, embarrassing as it is; they both knew. “Taeyong, fuck, please, please.” Taeyong releases his cock and grabs his other arm, pulling it back too as he thrusts into him. Jaehyun moans brokenly, and comes, scrabbling behind him to try to grab Taeyong’s body to steady himself, or maybe to try to push him away as all the sensations reach an unbearable peak. 

He’s still shuddering and moaning a moment later when Taeyong suddenly lets go of his arms. Jaehyun barely manages to catch the railing before he’s being pushed up against it. Taeyong wraps his arms tightly around Jaehyun’s chest, presses his face against his back, and moans as he comes. Jaehyun can feel the heat of it filling him up. Taeyong pulls out after a moment but stays pressed against Jaehyun’s back for a long time. Jaehyun sags against him and wonders how he’s still standing. He can feel come sliding down his thigh but he doesn’t want to move and make Taeyong let go of him. 

Eventually though, Taeyong lifts his head away from Jaehyun’s back. “You’re shaking again,” he says softly. His voice sounds raw but gentle. 

“Yeah, now I am cold,” Jaehyun laughs quietly. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Taeyong pulls away, and Jaehyun turns to face him, smiling. 

“I liked how you were holding me,” Jaehyun says. 

Taeyong blinks and looks away, flustered, and Jaehyun almost laughs again. It’s such a sudden shift from the Taeyong who’d been inside him just a moment before. 

Taeyong takes Jaehyun’s hand and pulls him into their warm room. “I can hug you inside, Jaehyun, seriously. If you get sick on our vacation….” 

Jaehyun wraps his arms around Taeyong’s waist and kisses his cheek. “Then you’ll take care of me, won’t you?” 

“No, I’ll go on all the day trips I planned for us without you, and I won’t send you a single picture.” 

Jaehyun laughs. “I love you.” 

Taeyong sighs and rests his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I love you too, baby.” He’s quiet for a moment, breathing against Jaehyun’s neck. “You know you’re my best, too, right?” 

“Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've never written bottom jaehyun before but guess there's a first time for everything....
> 
> kudos & comments appreciated if you'd like to leave them but either way thank you for reading! <333
> 
> twt: [@TtotheYong](https://twitter.com/TtotheYong)


	3. summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i changed the "angst with a happy ending" tag to just "mild angst" bc i think it was making it seem like there would be more angst than there actually will be, sorry if that was misleading :((
> 
> a more accurate tag would probably be "happy with an angsty beginning" but anyway... hope you enjoy!

“ _Happy birthday Taeyongieeeee, Happy birthday to youuuu!_ ” Everyone finishes on a different note. Jaehyun wouldn’t exactly call it beautiful harmony, but it makes Taeyong laugh, which is better. Taeyong looks up, grinning as the singing dies down, and scans the small group gathered in Jaehyun’s living room—no, the living room belongs to both of them again, Jaehyun reminds himself. It’s strange when these moments hit him, because usually he can barely remember they ever broke up. Usually he can’t make himself believe there was a gap of almost a year in the fourteen years they’ve been together. But every once in a while he’ll think something like “my living room” instead of “our living room” and then he’ll remember that Taeyong had walked away. Maybe it’s happening now because they spent Taeyong’s last birthday apart. 

Jaehyun glances back at Taeyong. His eyes are closed now, his hands clasped tightly in front of him. Everyone waits, and then bursts out cheering when Taeyong opens his eyes and blows out the candles. Doyoung insisted on putting 34 candles on the cake, plus an extra one for good luck, and Jaehyun is pretty sure this is a fire hazard. It takes Taeyong three tries to blow them all out, and then he pretends to swoon dramatically against the back of the couch. Jaehyun wonders what he wished for. 

He can feel how happy Taeyong is, as they all settle down to start eating once the cake has been served. This isn’t a big party, by any means, just a few of their closest friends: Taeil and Donghyuck, who teach with Taeyong at the conservatory; Johnny, Lucas, and Mark, their friends from college; and Doyoung, Taeyong’s best friend from childhood. Doyoung is the only person from Taeyong’s childhood that Jaehyun has ever met, since Taeyong doesn’t speak to his family, and he’s been a pretty valuable resource for both embarrassing stories and the kinds of stories that helped Jaehyun make sense of Taeyong, back when they’d first started dating. Jaehyun probably would’ve given up on everything multiple times if it hadn’t been for Doyoung helping him realize that just because Taeyong’s decisions didn’t follow the same logic Jaehyun always used himself, that didn’t mean they didn’t make sense. Taeyong stayed with Doyoung when they’d been broken up, and Jaehyun suspects they both probably owe Doyoung a lot. 

Jaehyun is only half following the conversations around him; he thinks Donghyuck is telling them about a student in his class who he’s convinced is a true prodigy. Jaehyun loves their friends, he really does, and he loves how much Taeyong is enjoying himself right now, but tonight for some reason seeing Taeyong so openly happy just makes him wish everyone else would leave so he can have him all to himself. They’ve been back together for months now, and it’s been good, maybe even better than before Taeyong left. But Jaehyun keeps thinking about Taeyong’s last birthday instead of this one, and now he just wants to hold Taeyong and squeeze him until he can believe he’s really here. 

A cold hand slides against Jaehyun’s palm, and he looks over as Taeyong laces their fingers together, rests their joined hands on the couch between them. Taeyong still seems fully engaged in the conversation around him, but he holds Jaehyun’s hand tightly, purposefully. Jaehyun wonders how obvious he was being, and feels a little bad for being so down in the middle of his boyfriend’s party. He squeezes Taeyong’s hand back, feeling unreasonably fond of how icy his fingers are despite the balmy summer weather. Or maybe the fondness comes from how he’s the one who always warms Taeyong’s hands up. He tries to join the conversation, but he’s only more distracted. He’s finding it hard to keep his eyes off Taeyong’s face, and even when he does manage to look around at the group all he can think about is how Taeyong’s other hand must still be cold, and how he wants to hold that one too. 

Finally, the party dies down, due mostly to the fact that Mark starts nodding off against Johnny’s shoulder. Doyoung is the last one to go, after choking both of them in a tight hug that more closely resembles a headlock than anything else. But Jaehyun feels strangely moved nonetheless, especially when Doyoung says, “This was a good birthday, Taeyong,” and Jaehyun notices the slight emphasis he puts on _This_. Maybe he wasn’t the only one thinking about last year. 

By the time Jaehyun’s closed the door behind Doyoung and turned around, Taeyong is already fretting about the room, picking up glasses and stacking plates to bring to the kitchen, tossing the waxy heap of all his birthday candles in the trash. Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling, and changes the music from the loud bass-driven playlist they’d had on to something slower and softer. 

“Taeyong.” 

Taeyong glances up at him with his arms full of plates and the remnants of the cake and smiles easily as he heads towards the kitchen. 

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun crosses the room quickly and takes his elbow before he reaches the door. He looks up at him, surprised. Jaehyun takes the plates and the box of cake. 

“Jae, I can do it, it’s fine,” Taeyong starts. But Jaehyun just puts everything back on the table. “What—?” 

Jaehyun pulls Taeyong’s hands to bring him closer and places them around his own shoulders, then wraps his own arms around Taeyong’s waist and leans down to rest his chin on his shoulder. 

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong is laughing quietly, but his body hasn’t relaxed yet. “What are you doing? It’s a mess in here, let me clean up first.” 

“No,” Jaehyun says. He sways a little, not dancing, but aware of the music all the same. “It’s your birthday.” 

“I know, but I don’t like messes, come on.” Taeyong leans back, pushing lightly on Jaehyun’s shoulders to try to break the embrace, the expression on his face both exasperated and amused. 

Jaehyun doesn’t let go. Instead he tightens his hands on Taeyong’s waist and leans down to kiss him. When their lips meet Taeyong stops pushing away. “Jaehyun—“ he mumbles into the kiss, but his fingers are tightening in Jaehyun’s shirt and his muscles all seem to be relaxing at once.

When they break the kiss, Taeyong lets Jaehyun return his chin to his shoulder and this time he hugs him back just as tightly. The song ends, and another one starts playing, just piano with no words. “Happy Birthday,” Jaehyun finally says softly. 

Taeyong smiles. “It is a happy birthday,” he says. “One of my happiest, I think.” He’s quiet for a moment, and Jaehyun tightens his arms around him a little. Finally Taeyong whispers, “I can’t believe I spent last birthday without you. I missed you so much.” His fingers twist in the back of Jaehyun’s collar. 

Jaehyun blinks a few times, feeling his heart kick nervously in his chest. They haven’t really spoken much about the time they spent apart, or about the times during those months when Taeyong would show up with no warning at his door. They talked enough to both be okay, Jaehyun thinks, to figure things out when Taeyong first came back. But it quickly became easier for them both to focus on being happy together than to remember how miserable they’d been apart, and they don’t really mention those times anymore. Jaehyun wishes they weren’t both thinking about that missed birthday now, and could just fully enjoy this one. He wants to brush it off, change the subject, move on. He doesn’t want to upset Taeyong more, or make him feel guilty, but he thinks maybe it will be worse to pretend it’s all fine. So he makes himself say, “I missed you too. I missed you every day you weren’t here.” His voice shakes. 

Taeyong turns to gently press his face against the side of Jaehyun’s neck and sighs against it, tightening his arms and settling his body more closely against him. Jaehyun is surprised at how relaxed Taeyong still feels under his arms. “I’m so lucky,” he murmurs, “to have you. I think that all the time, you know. I should say it more. But I think it all the time. I don’t know how I got this lucky, to be allowed to have this.” 

Jaehyun breathes out. He’s not sure if Taeyong notices his choice of words, but it clicks for him right away. “Remember you can have this,” he muses. He’s not entirely sure who he’s saying it for this time. “But I don’t think it’s luck,” he continues after a moment. “We’ve both worked hard for each other, haven’t we?” Taeyong stays quiet. “I mean it, both of us. Maybe you forgot to, for a while, but that doesn’t cancel everything else out, that you’ve worked for, before and since, to love me better.” 

Taeyong’s hands tighten in Jaehyun’s collar again. He kisses his neck, then lifts his head and desperately kisses his mouth. Jaehyun kisses him back, just as desperately, the quiet moment shattering suddenly as their need for each other takes over. Jaehyun’s feelings have been all over the place all day, and this sudden shift to desire surprises him as well. Of course he’d thought about this, earlier, about how good he’d make Taeyong feel for his birthday. But this frantic fumbling isn’t exactly what he’d envisioned. It’s like they’re in college again having to squeeze quickies into the brief times their roommates are out, and the thought almost makes Jaehyun laugh. But something about this feels inevitable, now that it’s happening. Their touches are straightforward and tangible after a day of convoluted thoughts of the past. 

He pulls Taeyong’s shirt off over his head, then his own. Before it’s fully off Taeyong’s hands are already undoing his jeans, so he yanks at Taeyong’s shorts too, and then they’re falling together onto the couch in a tangle of limbs and heated skin. “Ow,” Taeyong grunts, and Jaehyun pulls away a little, worried. But Taeyong just reaches under his back and extracts a pair of sunglasses that don’t belong to either of them. He tosses them away and pulls Jaehyun down to kiss him again, wrapping his legs around his waist. 

Jaehyun rolls his hips down and Taeyong moans into his mouth, tightening his arms and legs around him. The neediness of it is almost too much for Jaehyun, but he feels just as much need. He kisses Taeyong’s jaw, and his neck, sucking a mark into the pale skin there. He can’t remember the last time he did that, at least not somewhere as visible as the neck. They have jobs to worry about, and Taeyong’s job requires standing in front of a room full of college students all day, but it’s summer break for him now, and the sound Taeyong makes when Jaehyun’s teeth graze his skin is enough to make being practical seem very unimportant. 

Jaehyun unclasps Taeyong’s hands from around his neck so he can kiss down his chest, over one nipple and then the other, which makes Taeyong moan and squirm beneath him. When Jaehyun glances up he sees that Taeyong has reached above him to grip the arm of the couch with both hands, and the sight of his lithe body stretched out like this is so distracting he almost forgets what he’s doing. But the gentle shudder of Taeyong’s chest under his mouth brings him back. He kisses over Taeyong’s ribs and down the side of his waist, sucking a mark there too which makes him giggle and gasp and try to twist away, but Jaehyun holds his hips down firmly. He continues kissing down Taeyong’s side, over the sharp bone of his hip, down his thigh. He trails a hand down his other side to match the movement of his mouth. Taeyong is tense underneath him but Jaehyun can tell it’s from anticipation not discomfort, and his certainty about this makes him think about how well he knows Taeyong’s body. How much he loves every part of it. 

Jaehyun pushes Taeyong’s legs open so they lay over his own, one dangling off the side of the couch. He kneels there and slides his hands up the narrow muscles of Taeyong’s thighs, looking down at him for a moment, at the way he’s spread out below him. Taeyong looks back, his breath audible and quick. His smooth stomach flutters with it. Finally, Jaehyun bends down and takes him into his mouth. 

“Jaehyun…” Taeyong’s voice is low. Jaehyun hums in response and feels Taeyong’s legs twitch under his palms. He moves slowly at first. Taeyong slides his fingers into Jaehyun’s hair, pushing it off his forehead, but doesn’t do anything else to make him speed up. When Jaehyun glances up, Taeyong is staring down at him with some intensity in his eyes that doesn’t look like only desire. Jaehyun lowers his eyes again and starts bobbing his head more steadily, hollowing his cheeks and tightly holding Taeyong’s hips. 

Taeyong’s breath quickens and goes ragged. When he moans Jaehyun pushes his arms under Taeyong’s legs and lifts them over his shoulders. He dips his fingers into his mouth and then slides one wetly over Taeyong’s entrance. When he presses against him it slips inside easier than he expects. It’s been a few days since they had sex. Jaehyun glances up, tries another finger, which slides in just as easily. “Did you…?” Taeyong nods, breathless. “When?” 

“When you went to the store,” Taeyong mumbles. 

“Couldn’t wait, huh,” Jaehyun says wryly. 

Taeyong shrugs, looking a little embarrassed, which Jaehyun thinks is ridiculous, since they’ve been in every imaginable situation together already, but it’s sort of adorable. “Just come here,” Taeyong says. He pulls at Jaehyun’s arms until they’re face to face again and kisses him. He’s already reaching down between them to guide Jaehyun inside him. As Jaehyun slides in he has to break the kiss to breathe, and there’s a brief moment of suspension as they lie there, foreheads pressed together, breathing into each others mouths. Jaehyun’s heart pounds and he imagines it echoing between their bodies. One of Taeyong’s legs is still hooked up over Jaehyun’s arm, against the back of the couch, and when he settles the other one around Jaehyun’s waist the moment breaks and Jaehyun starts to move. 

Taeyong grips the back of Jaehyun’s neck and kisses him again, hard, even though soon they’re both breathing too fast to really kiss properly. The frenzied rush of earlier overcomes Jaehyun again, now that he’s inside Taeyong and surrounded by the tight heat of him. He thrusts into him faster and feels their sweat start to mingle between their chests, and where Taeyong’s thigh presses against Jaehyun’s waist, and where Jaehyun’s bicep curves under the back of Taeyong’s other knee. He mouths over his neck and tastes the saltiness of it. Taeyong’s fingers dig into his arms and his back and his waist, moving over his skin without settling anywhere for more than a moment. Their bodies are already pressed together but Taeyong clings to him like he wants to be closer still. His fingers are warm, for once, heated against Jaehyun’s damp skin. 

Jaehyun starts to lose track of the details, of whose limbs are whose. His body moves without thought as he gets closer to release. He registers Taeyong’s back arching under him at some point, his moans getting breathier and higher pitched. Jaehyun slides his arm under Taeyong’s back and groans into his neck. “Taeyong, fuck, I’m close.” 

“Me too,” Taeyong gasps. He rolls his hips up to meet every thrust. “Keep—just like this, fuck, Jaehyun.” Jaehyun bites his lip to keep from coming just from the way Taeyong moans his name. He lifts his head to watch him, but the sight of his flushed face and the expression in his eyes is almost too much. He kisses him instead, and Taeyong’s arms are suddenly tightly wrapped around his neck. “Jaehyun, Jae.” 

“Yeah, fuck you feel so good. I love you so much.” 

Taeyong makes a shaky sound and Jaehyun feels him clench and spasm around his cock. “Fuck, Jae, I don’t—we shouldn’t… come… on the couch.” 

“We can clean it up, don’t worry about it,” Jaehyun manages. Of course Taeyong would think of this right at the brink of orgasm. He’s not sure if he wants to laugh or roll his eyes. He’s not really capable of either. 

“But—“

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun groans. “I swear to god, if you make me pull out right now for the sake of the goddamn couch—“ It’s taking all his concentration not to come already himself. “I know you’re close, I can feel it, you’re so close, come on baby. It’s okay, it’s your birthday, you should come all over all the fucking furniture if you want.” 

Taeyong makes a sound that might be a laugh, but it cuts off quickly. “Fuck, I—.” He shudders and tips his head back almost alarmingly far as his release shakes through him and his come slides between both their stomachs. 

Jaehyun gasps and lets himself go, his thrusts stuttering deep into Taeyong’s clenching heat as he fills him up. He almost collapses afterwards, as Taeyong trembles underneath him and he shudders with aftershocks himself, but he manages not to crush Taeyong completely under his weight. When he pulls out he thinks of the come that probably is indeed getting on the couch, but he doesn’t care and Taeyong has either given up on that battle or is too exhausted now to do anything about it. 

Jaehyun kisses Taeyong gently, enjoying the specific soft, swollen feel that Taeyong’s lips always seem to have after he comes. Once in their fourth year together Jaehyun had kissed him quickly when Taeyong got out of the shower, and actually done a double take at the feel of his lips. Taeyong was still convinced to this day that Jaehyun had somehow been spying on him while he jerked off in the shower, but Jaehyun had just kissed him afterwards, and known. 

“Happy Birthday, again” Jaehyun says softly, smiling against Taeyong’s mouth. He kisses Taeyong again and then shifts awkwardly to finally collapse on his side. Taeyong edges away to give him some space and Jaehyun wraps an arm around his waist to keep him from falling off the couch. 

“What a mess,” Taeyong sighs. 

Jaehyun laughs and kisses his shoulder. “Mmm, yeah. I’ll clean in a while, don’t worry. Our couch will survive.” 

Taeyong turns to look at Jaehyun, and his expression is so serious that for a second Jaehyun worries he’s really upset about the disarray of the room. But: “I love you,” he says instead, still looking serious, almost frowning. 

“I love you too,” Jaehyun says, searching Taeyong’s eyes. 

Taeyong stares back for a moment, and then his expression clears, becomes open and light once more. “I love you,” Taeyong whispers again. “And I’ll help you clean.” 

Jaehyun chuckles. “Later.” He pulls Taeyong closer. 

“Yeah, later.” Taeyong tucks his face against Jaehyun’s chest, and even though their drying skin feels sticky and his fingertips grow cold, he doesn’t move away for a very long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this short update :) kudos & comments always appreciated if you care to leave them <333
> 
> twt: [@TtotheYong](https://twitter.com/TtotheYong)


	4. fall

Jaehyun listens to the crunch of leaves underfoot as he walks, scuffing his feet and kicking the apples that have fallen from the rows of trees around them. It’s a beautiful day, the crisp breeze mellowed by sunlight that’s still warm and reminiscent of summer. When Johnny texted them that morning suggesting apple picking, it was impossible to decline, even though Jaehyun didn’t feel like coming. He knew he should want to join, because what better activity was there on a day as perfect as this. The alternative was moping around the apartment, which he knew would be miserable, but he still tried to suggest Taeyong go without him so he could stay behind and do just that. This suggestion didn’t go over very well, and now here they are, walking towards Johnny, his husband Ten, and Doyoung—who seems completely unbothered to be third-wheeling, or, now that Taeyong and Jaehyun have finally arrived, fifth-wheeling.

They’re over an hour late, and Johnny, Ten, and Doyoung all have almost-full bags of apples already, but the relaxed enthusiasm of their greetings make it clear that Jaehyun is the only one bothered by their delay. They’d probably all been expecting it, because Taeyong is chronically late. Jaehyun made peace with it a long time ago, and now it only bothers him when he’s already bothered by other things. And since they’re currently in the middle of a fight that’s been dragging on for three days already, Jaehyun had spent the morning complaining and whining to get Taeyong out of bed, and then to skip the shower he no longer had time for, and then, when he insisted on showering, to leave his hair unstyled, and then, when he insisted on styling his hair, to _just wear that shirt it’s fine, can we please just go already?!_

Needless to say, Jaehyun is not fully appreciating the beauty of the day. 

He greets everyone else cheerfully enough, and it is nice to see faces other than Taeyong’s. But it’s not hard after that to wander off a little on the pretext of searching for the best apples. His friends’ voices still reach him clearly, but he’s too far away to have to respond. He looks up as he walks, scanning the apples, stretching up to grab the best ones that are on the higher branches. It keeps his mind occupied, although at one point he walks straight into two little kids and knocks the smaller one right off his feet. Luckily the kid, who’d been looking like he was deciding whether or not to cry, is appeased when Jaehyun picks some apples for him from the branches he can’t reach. After that he watches where he’s going. 

“Hey, Jae!” Johnny’s voice calls through the trees, and then, not as loud, “Where’d he go?” 

Jaehyun steps around a tree back onto the path. “I’m right here. Just, you know, actually picking apples.” Taeyong’s bag is still mostly empty. He gives Jaehyun a look. 

“We’re going to head back that way and check out the market they have,” Johnny’s saying. “Donuts and apple cider and stuff. But we can meet you later if you guys want to stay here and get some more apples?” 

“It’s okay, we can pick more on the way over there,” Taeyong says with a slightly strained brightness. 

Jaehyun falls into step with the rest of them as they start walking again. Taeyong is talking to Ten, a conversation about someone Ten works with that they must have been in the middle of already. Taeyong picks some apples this time, mostly because Doyoung keeps reminding him. Jaehyun watches while he jumps, trying to grab one that’s just out of reach. He manages it, after a couple tries, and ducks as leaves shake down around him after he yanks the apple off the branch. Jaehyun could have reached the apple easily. He looks away before Taeyong catches him watching. 

Jaehyun knows he’s being petty, but he’s been petty for three days already and sees no reason to stop now. It had started on Wednesday, when Taeyong was late coming home from work, and didn’t text. He hadn’t even been two hours late, and neither of them obsessively texted the other about their whereabouts, because after so many years together that would have been a certain route to insanity. And anyway, Taeyong’s hours could be inconsistent, especially at the start of a semester, and Jaehyun knew this. But for some reason on Wednesday Jaehyun was annoyed. Or, more accurately, he’d decided to be annoyed. There wasn’t really a reason. He just did this sometimes, decided to be more upset about something than he really should be, and then would cling to being upset for days, in this quiet, unreasonable way. 

Jaehyun stays silent as they emerge from the rows of trees and start picking their way down a long gravel road, passing a hay ride full of families and a little stall where a teenager seem to be demonstrating how to press apple cider. Johnny talks as they go, and Jaehyun smiles vaguely in response, watching the families and the kids running around, ignoring Taeyong and wondering if he notices. The problem with being generally pretty quiet, Jaehyun thinks, is that his silent treatments don’t exactly pack a punch. 

He sticks with Johnny as they reach the market and wander through the rows of bins overflowing with pumpkins and tables weighed down with goods from the farms in the area. Jaehyun buys some soap for his mom and his aunt, and apple cider donuts that are warm in their paper bag. He pays without waiting for Taeyong, who’s picking up and exclaiming over everything, as if he’s never seen a jar of honey or some homemade pie before. Jaehyun walks away and sits at a picnic table in the sun. 

“Hey, what’d you get?” Doyoung sits down across from him with a large bag of his own. 

“Donuts. And soap.” Jaehyun starts eating a donut, offering Doyoung the bag, but he already has his own and starts eating one of those. 

“Honestly I could eat this whole bag right here, I’m not even exaggerating, the whole dozen.” 

“Seriously,” Jaehyun nods, his mouth full. 

“Where’s Taeyong?”

Jaehyun shrugs but then Taeyong’s voice sounds brightly from behind him, and he drops onto the bench along with Johnny and Ten. 

“What are you going to do with all those apples?” Ten asks, nodding at Taeyong and Jaehyun’s full bags. 

“I’ll bake something,” Taeyong says. “Jaehyun will probably just eat apples three meals a day for a week. Not so much of a baker.” He laughs. 

“I can bake,” Jaehyun says. He can’t bake. Taeyong gives him a long look and Jaehyun feels like he can see right through him. He brushes sugar off his fingers and stands up. “We should get going. We’re going to my cousin’s for dinner later.” 

They have hours until dinner, but Taeyong nods and stands up too, and no one else questions it as they say their goodbyes and head towards the parking lot. 

Jaehyun climbs into the driver’s seat and for a split second entertains the small voice in his head that wonders how Taeyong will react if he doesn’t unlock the car doors for him. But he unlocks them before Taeyong even reaches to open the passenger side.

They pull out of the parking lot in silence and start driving down the narrow road through the brilliantly colored autumn trees. It’s not a comfortable silence; he can tell Taeyong wants to speak. 

They’re already back on the highway by the time he finally does. “Are you seriously still mad at me about Wednesday?” 

Jaehyun tightens his grip on the wheel. “No.” 

Taeyong scoffs. “Well, what are you mad about then, because it’s clearly something. You’ve been like this for days.” 

“Like what,” Jaehyun mutters. 

“Like, trying to annoy me, which you only do when you’re mad. Come on, what’s going on?” 

“I don’t know, I’m just in a bad mood,” Jaehyun says. 

Taeyong is quiet. Jaehyun can feel his eyes on him. “For no reason?” 

“I don’t know!” Jaehyun snaps. “Maybe I just don’t want to be the bigger person for once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Taeyong’s voice is tight, his tone so suddenly different that Jaehyun darts his eyes over to him, then quickly away. 

“Nothing. Nothing, I’m just being stupid. I just… Wednesday bothered me, and other things bother me, and sometimes I just want to be bothered, instead of letting it go.”

Jaehyun is expecting Taeyong to laugh again, to roll his eyes and call him an idiot, tell him to stop being a child. But Taeyong is quiet for long enough that Jaehyun starts feeling uneasy. When he does speak the tightness is still in his voice. “Is this some kind of revenge?” 

“What?” Jaehyun turns and looks at him fully. He’s been trying to annoy Taeyong for days, to get some kind of rise out of him, for whatever reason. But Taeyong doesn’t look annoyed. Instead he looks genuinely hurt, which is not what Jaehyun is expecting. He looks back at the road for just long enough to pull the car over. Traffic rushes by them as he stops and turns towards Taeyong again. “What?” 

Taeyong stares ahead through the windshield, his arms over his stomach. “For last year. You were… the bigger person then. You always are. I get why you’d want a break from that, with me.” 

Jaehyun just stares at Taeyong’s profile. His immediate impulse is to reassure him, that no, that’s not what this is—and it isn’t. That hadn’t even crossed his mind. But irritation flares through him too, almost surprising him. “Don’t do that. That’s not fair.” Taeyong glances at him and Jaehyun thinks this isn’t what either of them expected him to say. “I forgave you for that, and I meant it when I did. Maybe I’ll never understand it, but I wouldn’t try to get _revenge_ , I mean, what the fuck Taeyong?” He looks out of the windshield just as he sees Taeyong turn towards him out of the corner of his eye. “I’m the one who’s here to remind you you can have this, okay? That you can have… us. And I’ll always remind you of that. This isn’t about _us_. It’s just, sometimes things you do annoy me. Just normal annoying things, in a normal annoying way. Like you being late and never letting me know, or this morning, taking forever to get ready, and just laughing it off when I was clearly stressed about it. It pissed me off on Wednesday, and then I just… stayed pissed.” 

Jaehyun hears Taeyong let out a breath and his chest aches for a moment at the thought that he’d been genuinely worried. But he’s frustrated too, that they can’t just have little arguments anymore without Taeyong fearing the worst. Without Taeyong trying to punish himself for something Jaehyun has never wanted to punish him for in the first place.

When Taeyong speaks, though, his voice has lost some of the tightness. “But it’s been days, Jae. I didn’t even notice the time on Wednesday because I always get home at different times and it’s never a problem. And I know you don’t like being late but we were just meeting up with our friends, there wasn’t any pressure—” 

“It’s not about the time!” Jaehyun turns and faces Taeyong fully. “I know you get home whenever and it doesn’t usually bother me, but it did on Wednesday and you didn’t care. And then this morning you didn’t even try to go faster! No, you know what, it’s not really that either. I know these things aren’t a big deal, and I know I’m being petty. It’s not that I think I’m _right_ and you’re wrong. It’s that… I don’t know, I want to be able to be wrong sometimes and still have you try to make me feel better! And that’s not because of anything that happened in our past, seriously, it’s not fair to say that because I would never hold that against either of us. That was an actual problem. This is just stupid bullshit. But it just… I just.” He leans back in his seat and puffs out his cheeks as he exhales. “Honestly sometimes it just feels good.” Jaehyun is suddenly self-conscious and he keeps his eyes firmly on the windshield. 

“To be annoying?” Taeyong doesn’t sound like he’s teasing. Instead he just sounds like he’s trying to understand.

Jaehyun looks out of the window at the traffic flying by them. “To have you comfort me. I don’t know.” He can feel his ears burning. “Or even if you just stopped and called me out on how stupid I’m being. Just, _something_. Without it being bigger than it is. I was just annoyed, and I just wanted you to care, even enough to get annoyed at me too.” 

Taeyong takes an audible breath. “Okay. Well, being weirdly shady for three days is a little stupid. But I should’ve taken it more seriously that you were upset. And I’ll comfort you better. I think… well, you’re usually so easygoing that sometimes I forget you need that, too. But I won’t forget again.” 

The car is quiet for a minute. Jaehyun stares at the traffic but doesn’t really see it. Then he hears Taeyong’s seatbelt click and a moment later feels his chin dig into his shoulder as his arms circle awkwardly around him. “Is this comforting?” Taeyong asks.

Jaehyun keeps looking out of the window. “No. Your chin is pointy.” 

Taeyong lifts his chin and kisses his jaw, below his ear. “How about this?” 

“…Maybe, a little.” 

Taeyong shifts closer and presses his nose into Jaehyun’s neck, over his jaw, nudging his face insistently until Jaehyun turns towards him a little and feels his lips against his cheek. He lets out a sigh as Taeyong’s mouth gets closer to his own. Taeyong hums quietly against his skin, a small sound that lilts like a question, “Hm?” His arm slides down from Jaehyun’s chest to his stomach, under his jacket. “Hmm?” he makes the sound again. Jaehyun turns his face a little more and Taeyong’s lips ghost over the corner of his mouth. It’s enough to make him fully realize that he hasn’t kissed Taeyong since Wednesday, not even so much as a peck on the cheek. He tilts his face and kisses Taeyong fully on the mouth, sliding his hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer. Taeyong hums into the kiss and this time it doesn’t sound like a question. 

When Taeyong pushes his hand into his pants Jaehyun startles and breaks the kiss, glancing at the traffic going by just outside the window. Taeyong’s hand is cold but his touch makes Jaehyun hard anyway. “For the record, this really isn’t what I meant,” Jaehyun says seriously. 

“I know. I can be comforting in more than one way. Do you want me to stop?” Taeyong widens his eyes. Jaehyun gives him a look and Taeyong blinks innocently.

“No,” Jaehyun finally says. Taeyong smiles and undoes Jaehyun’s jeans. He shifts awkwardly in the seat to let Taeyong push his pants down his thighs enough to free his cock. The traffic outside is a rush of sound that seems to pulse against their car as it passes. Taeyong kisses Jaehyun again, sliding his tongue into his mouth before pulling away and glancing down at his lap. “But don’t think you can just suck your way out of everything,” Jaehyun says. 

Taeyong lets out a surprised burst of laughter and looks up at him, his expression suddenly softening and his smile losing its teasing edge. “I don’t. It’s just, it’s been days, hasn’t it? I miss having you inside me, even if it’s just in my mouth.” 

“Jesus,” Jaehyun breathes, caught off guard in spite of himself, his stomach dropping in a way that makes him remember with a sudden strange clarity the first time Taeyong kissed him. “You’re so….” 

“I know,” Taeyong murmurs. “So are you.” He ducks his head and swallows Jaehyun down. Jaehyun groans as his cock hits the back of Taeyong’s throat. He slides his hand into the hair at Taeyong’s nape, pulling gently until Taeyong moans around his cock and starts bobbing his head. Jaehyun glances out of the window, but the cars speed by without slowing and his arousal builds so quickly that soon he’s not paying any attention to his surroundings. 

Taeyong is twisted over the center console in a way that must be uncomfortable. His shirt rides up his back and Jaehyun’s eyes drift over his skin and the curve of his slim waist. He slides his hand down from Taeyong’s head to the exposed skin, feeling the bumps of his spine under his palm. His fingers find the dip of his waist and dig in as his breathing quickens. Taeyong knows what he likes so well that this is taking no time at all. “I’m close,” Jaehyun gasps, looking down at Taeyong’s head moving in his lap. He glances out of the window, then back at Taeyong, vague half-formed thoughts swirling through his pleasure-addled mind about all the people speeding past with no idea that any of this is happening. He swallows thickly as Taeyong’s fingers dig into his thigh. Taeyong snakes his other hand up under Jaehyun’s shirt, awkward in the tight space of the car, finds his nipple and twists hard enough that Jaehyun lets out a shocked sound and grabs his wrist, and then he’s coming down Taeyong’s throat with a low moan. The pleasure rolls through him, peaking and then slowly ebbing away as he catches his breath, and all his frustration seems to drain away with it. 

When he comes down enough to be aware of his surroundings again, Taeyong is kissing his cheek and leaning back towards his own seat. Jaehyun catches his collar and pulls him back to kiss his mouth hard before letting him go. They both fidget for a second, Jaehyun pulling his pants back up, Taeyong smoothing down his shirt and pressing his palm into his crotch, squirming a little in the seat. 

Jaehyun eyes him. “Do you want—“ 

“No,” Taeyong says quickly. He sounds a little hoarse and Jaehyun shivers. Taeyong looks at him with an eyebrow raised. “Something to look forward to when we get home.” 

Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling. He puts the car in drive and carefully rejoins the traffic on the highway. They drive in silence for a while. “I said I was sorry, right?” Taeyong suddenly asks. 

“What? Oh. Yeah, I think so. Or if you didn’t, I got that you were sorry anyway. I mean, you made that fairly clear.” Jaehyun gestures at his lap and glances at Taeyong, who gives him a half-smile. “And I’m sorry for being… well, whatever I was being the past few days.” 

“You’re allowed to be a baby sometimes,” Taeyong says simply, and Jaehyun looks over at him again in surprise. “But next time I’ll have to remember to blow you earlier on and save us both days of irritation.” 

“Ha,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes, changes lanes to get around an 18-wheeler. “But I mean, you might be onto something.” 

Taeyong laughs. “Of course I am. I do know you pretty well at this point. You’re not so difficult to handle.” 

“Uh huh.” Jaehun’s distracted by a car that merges into the lane right in front of him. 

“Am I difficult?” Taeyong asks. 

Jaehyun is braking to avoid slamming into the car ahead, and it takes a second to process Taeyong’s question. When he does, he glances over at him. Taeyong looks serious, so Jaehyun answers seriously. “No. Sometimes you’re still hard for me to figure out,” he says. “But, I’m not sure you’ll believe this, but that’s something I love about you. Your thoughts aren’t the same as my thoughts. I can’t always predict what you’ll do or say. I like that. Sometimes you surprise me in bad ways, I guess, but usually it’s good, and interesting, and you give me things that I can’t give myself. More than you realize, I think.” 

“You always describe weird things about me in such flattering ways,” Taeyong says, laughing a little.

“I’m in love with you, of course I do.” 

Taeyong groans, but Jaehyun hears the slight catch in his breath anyway. “This is getting sickening,” Taeyong says, “And if you don’t get us home in the next ten minutes to fuck me before we have to go to dinner I don’t know what I’ll do.” 

“Are you getting turned on by my incredibly sweet declaration of love,” Jaehyun asks, trying to keep from smiling. 

“I was already turned on,” Taeyong snaps. “Let’s just let this be one of those mysterious things you love about me, because I will not admit to being aroused by something so cringey. Just drive.” 

Jaehyun grins at Taeyong. “Yes, sir.” The smile lingers on his face as he looks out at the highway ahead, and drives. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! we are almost at the end, i hope you've enjoyed so far. chapter 5 will be a short epilogue so stay tuned :) 
> 
> kudos & comments always very appreciated if you care to leave them <33
> 
> twt: [@TtotheYong](https://twitter.com/TtotheYong)


	5. winter

Jaehyun stares up at the dim wooden bunkbed slats above his head and listens to the quiet sounds of breathing in the room around him. It’s the night before New Year’s Eve, and he’s sleeping in the comfortably furnished basement of his aunt’s house, the same room where Jaehyun and his cousins always slept over the holidays growing up. Now Jaehyun’s cousins are in rooms upstairs with their husbands, and Jaehyun and Taeyong are down here occupying the two bunkbeds, like they do every year. Jaehyun’s niece is asleep in the bunk above Taeyong, and his twin nephews are curled up somewhere above his own head. They’re getting too big to fit up there together, he thinks. He’d spent a fair amount of time pondering the structural integrity of the bunks earlier that night when the boys had been thrashing around in a fit of giggles. Luckily they fell asleep before anything collapsed.

Every year, Jaehyun teases his mom and aunt for this sleeping arrangement. He and Taeyong are in their 30s, for goodness sake, and still stuck in what has always been the kids room. But the truth is he doesn’t mind. Their friends are usually more skeptical about his aunt’s motives behind not giving them a real bed, but Jaehyun knows them being relegated to the kids room has nothing to do with them both being men, and everything to do with the fact they’re not married. Jaehyun doesn’t exactly agree with this either, but he finds it weirdly comforting that his family apply their same traditional ideas to him and Taeyong that they did to his cousins who are straight. Anyway, he has good memories in this room, and he likes both feeling like a kid again, and being the fun uncle who his cousins’ children are totally obsessed with.

Taeyong also doesn’t mind, but Jaehyun knows that has more to do with the fact that Taeyong just loves being here every year no matter where they sleep. It had taken a lot of convincing to get him to come that first year, after they’d been together for long enough that Jaehyun finally understood the full extent of what Taeyong meant when he would casually say, “I don’t really talk to my parents much,” and realized he’d been spending the holidays alone for years. But Taeyong had finally agreed to come, and Jaehyun’s family were warm and welcoming the way they always were, and Jaehyun was the only one who could tell how uncomfortable Taeyong really was. Jaehyun had woken up at dawn on their third morning in the bunkbeds—which his cousins still occupied too, since they were all still in college then—and panicked when he saw that Taeyong’s bunk was empty. He’d genuinely wondered if Taeyong’s discomfort might have gotten the better of him, and he’d taken their rented car and fled back to campus. Jaehyun checked all the bathrooms, which were empty, and was just about to go outside to see if the car really was missing, when he heard quiet voices, and found Taeyong in the kitchen with his mom. That wasn’t so surprising, as his mom was always up at the crack of dawn. But what was surprising was that her arms were around Taeyong, and his cheeks were wet. Jaehyun never told Taeyong he saw him that morning, and he never asked him about what happened, but after that Taeyong was noticeably calmer around everyone, and he’d been especially close with Jaehyun’s mother ever since.

Jaehyun still hasn’t told his family about anything he and Taeyong went through the year before. At the time, the fact that Taeyong kept showing up to sleep with him had made it hard to accept that things were really over—and of course, they weren’t really over at all, in the end. It was pretty awful during those months whenever his mother would ask him about Taeyong, or drop not-so-subtle hints about them getting married like she’d been doing for years. But Jaehyun is glad now that he didn’t say anything. He knows Taeyong would have gotten in his own head about it, and he thinks it would have been even harder to reassure Taeyong about his parents than it’s been to reassure him about their own relationship.

Jaehyun turns and glances over at Taeyong’s dim form on the opposite bed. It’s been a while since he’s needed reassurance, Jaehyun realizes. Since he’s needed reminding. Jaehyun used to watch Taeyong closely for any sign that he was starting to listen to those twisted thoughts that got the better of him sometimes. But he hasn’t been watching so closely, these days, and Taeyong’s been fine. Better than fine. There have been moments, recently, when Taeyong will look at him or speak to him, and something in his eyes or his tone of voice will resonate in Jaehyun’s awareness, and leave him thinking, _Oh, this is what it’s like to have all of him._

Now Taeyong is curled up tightly under a pile of blankets with his face barely visible. This is how he always sleeps, although sometimes Jaehyun’s curled up around him, or vice-versa. One of his hands dangles over the edge of the bed, beyond the warmth of the blankets. His fingers must be freezing. Jaehyun spares a glance up at the bunk above, but the boys have been still and silent up there for some time now. He eases out of bed, and kneels next to Taeyong, carefully taking his hand and sliding it under the covers. His fingertips are frigid. Jaehyun leaves his hand over Taeyong’s for a moment, under the blankets, and fights the temptation to climb into the narrow bed with him. But he doesn’t want to wake him up, and he definitely doesn’t want to wake the kids up. He pulls away his hand.

Taeyong hasn’t so much as stirred this whole time, but as soon as Jaehyun pulls away he makes a confused breathy sound and opens his eyes. “Jae?” he mumbles.

“Shh, go back to sleep, sorry.”

“What time is it?” Taeyong whispers.

“Late, I don’t know. I didn’t mean to wake you up, I was just fixing the blankets.”

Taeyong stares at him. The sleep has cleared from his eyes, but some of the confusion remains. He glances up at the bunks above them. “They’re asleep?”

“Yeah, everyone’s asleep, you should sleep again too.” Jaehyun starts to scoot back towards his own bed.

Taeyong is still looking at him, opening his mouth to speak. There’s something in his gaze, suddenly, and Jaehyun pauses and thinks he knows what Taeyong is going to say. Not the words exactly, but the meaning—scared and uncertain and full of doubt. Jaehyun is going to have to remind him of everything again. Because enough time has passed since the last reminder, or because he just woke Taeyong up from some dark dream, or because of some other reason he won’t ever understand. Jaehyun’s so convinced of this that the words are on the tip of his tongue already: _Remember you can have this._ He’s said those words so many times. He doesn’t mind saying them a million more times after this.

Jaehyun’s already opening his own mouth, to say them again now, when Taeyong whispers, “Do you want to get married?”

Jaehyun almost says the words anyway. “Re—what?”

“Do you want—“

“I heard you,” Jaehyun whispers. He shifts from his knees to sit fully on the floor next to Taeyong’s bed and looks at him. Taeyong’s cheek is smushed into the pillow and Jaehyun suddenly wants to laugh at the fact that this, after all these years, is how this moment is going to happen. “Were you also thinking this would be our only ticket to a real bedroom?”

Taeyong blinks, and then smiles. “Is that why we’re still down here? I thought the kids just liked us the best.”

Jaehyun lets out a snort of laughter that suddenly threatens to turn into a whole fit of giddiness. He quickly covers his mouth until he calms down. He finds Taeyong’s hand again, at the edge of the mattress. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, yes, let’s get married.” He grins. “My mom is going to be thrilled.”

“She, uh, maybe already knows.”

“ _What?_ ” Jaehyun sits up straighter and stares. “What did you do, ask her permission?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes, though the effect is somewhat comical with the pillow still squishing his face. “It just came up.”

“‘It just came up,’” Jaehyun repeats, trying to imagine how that conversation had played out. 

“I was nervous, okay?”

“What? Why?”

Taeyong shifts a little under the blankets and Jaehyun thinks he’s shrugging. He leans closer and rests his chin on the edge of the mattress near Taeyong’s face.

“Why were you nervous? I’d never have said no, Taeyong,” he says softly.

“I know. Logically I knew that. But still.”

Jaehyun smiles a little. “So your big plan was to wait until I accidentally woke you up one night and pop the question?”

Taeyong narrows his eyes. “You’re going to make fun of me for this for the rest of our lives, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says, but his mind’s gotten stuck on _for the rest of our lives_. He leans forward and kisses Taeyong. As soon as their lips touch Jaehyun wants more so badly it takes him by surprise. It’s not even arousal, exactly. He just _wants_ —to be closer, impossibly close. To feel the firm warmth of Taeyong’s body against every part of his own. To be surrounded by him. To disappear into him and never emerge. But as quickly as Jaehyun is overcome, the kiss ends. Taeyong gently breaks it, dropping his head back onto the pillow and smiling, an easy, open smile that’s totally oblivious to the desperation that still fills Jaehyun so completely he thinks he can taste it, metallic at the back of his tongue.

“Move over,” Jaehyun mumbles, leaning to chase Taeyong’s mouth, already half rising to climb into the bed.

“No,” Taeyong whispers, putting a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder and glancing up at the upper bunks.

“I’ll be good, come on,” Jaehyun says, just as quietly.

Taeyong tries to hide his smile. “Don’t pout at me. I’m the favorite uncle and I’m not letting anything screw that up.”

“Favorite—! You are not the favorite! You’re not even their uncle, technically!”

“Well, why do you think I just proposed?” 

Jaehyun narrows his eyes. “I should’ve known. But let me in the bed, come on, just to sleep. I don’t want to be so far away from you. You’re my… fiancé now.” His chest aches weirdly.

Taeyong’s hand shoots out and he grabs Jaehyun’s neck and yanks him in to kiss him hard on the mouth, but he breaks this kiss too just as quickly and grins. “No. I wouldn’t be able to just sleep. Go back over there.”

Jaehyun drops his face onto the edge of Taeyong’s mattress. “You’re so mean,” he mumbles into the sheets.

“Uncle Taeyong isn’t mean!” comes a sudden fierce whisper from overhead.

Jaehyun sits up straight and looks up, coming face to face with his niece, Hyesun, hanging over the edge of the top bunk. “Uh.” He tries to slow his heartbeat, disoriented by the sudden presence of another person when he’d been so consumed by Taeyong.

“That’s right,” Taeyong says, his voice strained with the obvious effort it’s taking him not to laugh. “I’m just responsible. And we should all go back to sleep now, right Sunnie?” 

“Right,” Hyesun says, looking pointedly at Jaehyun, who finally retreats to his own bed and slides reluctantly under the covers. Hyesun seems satisfied and lies back into her own bunk.

Quiet settles over the room once again. Jaehyun looks over at Taeyong, who’s looking back with an amused look. Jaehyun feels the ache in his chest shift to something intensely warm. He’s loved Taeyong for so long, he’s almost surprised that his whispered proposal would even change anything. But the feeling in his chest isn’t quite like all the other feelings he’s had about Taeyong. It’s not _more_ , but it is… different. New.

"Uncle Taeyong?” Hyesun already sounds sleepier.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you wanted to become my real uncle.”

Taeyong smiles against his pillow. “Yeah, me too.” He’s still looking at Jaehyun. The warm feeling spreads. Jaehyun tries to catch his breath.

“Good night. And good night, Uncle Jaehyun….” Hyesun’s voice trails off and she sighs into sleep.

“Good night,” Jaehyun whispers. He stretches his arm out and waves at Taeyong, who rolls his eyes before giving a small wave back.

Jaehyun settles more comfortably against the pillows, but can’t bring himself to close his eyes, so he just watches Taeyong. Taeyong watches back for a while, but then his eyes slide out of focus and drift closed, his face softening. Jaehyun drinks in every part of Taeyong he can see, which isn’t much—hair mussed over his forehead and spreading darkly over the pillow, eyelids fluttering as he starts to dream, long lashes against his cheeks, lips parted and the lower one slightly wet as his breaths slow. But even the shapeless mound of his body curled up under the blankets makes the warmth intensify in Jaehyun’s chest. He’s still a little startled by himself, by how hard it is right now to lie alone in his own bed, by how badly he still wants to hold Taeyong, how tightly he wants to crush their bodies together and never let go. His fingers grip the sheets and he presses his face down into the pillow and breathes, and thinks, _for the rest of our lives, the rest…._

He startles as something suddenly pushes him hard enough that he rolls over and squints in the dim light. A weight settles against him, and his heart starts pounding in his chest: _Taeyong-Taeyong-Taeyong…_. Taeyong is still wrapped completely in his own blanket and he squirms to get comfortable as Jaehyun shifts over towards the wall, his eyes wide. Gradually he can make out Taeyong’s face in front of him, almost buried in the blankets still, but this time only inches away. His eyes are open, and they crinkle a little as he smiles, even though his mouth is covered by the blankets around him. “Maybe now you’ll be able to sleep,” Taeyong whispers, his voice muffled.

“I love you so much,” Jaehyun breathes, blinking, trying to calm himself. They’re not exactly touching, with so many blankets between them. But he can feel Taeyong’s weight on the mattress, the solid real presence of him squeezing Jaehyun against the wall, and it’s enough. The warmth in Jaehyun’s chest shifts towards something more soothing. He still feels a little confused by himself, almost embarrassed. He’s slept beside Taeyong so many times, and after years together it’s not like either of them is opposed to having their own space to curl up or sprawl out however they want to in their sleep. But tonight he’s desperately glad to be squished next to Taeyong in this narrow bed. He’s not sure if Taeyong needed this too, or if he just realized Jaehyun did. But either way, he’s here.

“I love you too,” Taeyong whispers back. “More than I thought I could love anyone.” He shifts further under the covers. “Now we should really sleep. And when the kids wake us up at the crack of dawn I’m going to say you dragged me in here against my will because cuddling is gross.”

Jaehyun lets out a soft laugh. “We’re not even cuddling, you’re literally a human burrito. But sure, I’ll let you do what you need to do to keep believing you’re their favorite.”

Taeyong closes his eyes, his cheeks still lifting like he’s smiling. “Exactly. Thanks.” He opens his eyes again, looks at Jaehyun. “Thank you.”

The warmth in Jaehyun’s chest flutters a little. He settles more comfortably against his pillow, and this time when Taeyong closes his eyes Jaehyun is able to close his own. And they both finally sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is the end. if you've read this far thank you so much! i really hope you enjoyed. i started this with no plan beyond the idea of the first chapter, which isn't how i usually write, personally, but i actually really enjoyed just making up each chapter as i went along, and thinking about different scenes and aspects of their relationship and personalities that i wanted to explore. i hope it worked for you all as readers as well! 
> 
> kudos & comments always greatly appreciated if you'd like to leave them <33
> 
> twt: [@TtotheYong](https://twitter.com/TtotheYong)


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